Bed Hopping

I spent some time today satisfying a certain itch that seems to come along every six or seven years in a marriage.  I think we all know what I'm referring to here, don't we? 

I've spent years avoiding bedtime.  I've stayed up late, watching all the prime time programming I could stomach, until my eyes feel like meatballs, and I finally succumb to my husband's urges to retire. I slowly climb the staircase, looking at every step as if it were a mini Mt Everest, constantly turning back to see how far I've come, and trying to think of some excuse to retreat back down the mountain range.  "Oh, I think I left some laundry in the dryer", or "I want to check my Facebook one more time."

When I've exhausted all excuses, I slink beneath the comforter, knowing what's going to happen next, and dreading every long, drawn out moment of it.  It's always the same old thing.  I get into the typical position, and then switch into several others, just trying to achieve that elusive satisfaction.  Then comes the moaning, and more often than not, the pain.  

Well, I had finally had enough, and decided to give in to my self indulgent urges.  I went out, met some new people, and immediately began experimenting.  I did some bed hopping...  played a little mattress tag.  Let's just say I laid my head on more pillows in this one afternoon, than I have in the whole past decade!  I spent a little time on my back, but I much prefer to be on my side.  I guess that's what happens after having four kids, and putting on a few extra pounds. 

It was very enjoyable, trying out new things, and being reminded of what it's supposed to feel like.  The first one was nice.  The second one just wasn't "firm" enough.  The third, whoa, too hard!  My fourth time was amazing, with all the bells and whistles.  The experience had me feeling so relaxed I just wanted our time together to go on forever.  However, it was like test driving a Lamborghini; a fun ride, but way too high maintenance to own!

The fifth was also very nice, but Hubsy and I just couldn't get into sync with it.  Oh, did I mention that I dragged Hubsy along?  I had to, he's the man with the money, and this kind of thing doesn't come cheap.  Besides, he deserves this just as much as I do.

Anyway, the sixth time was the most invigorating twenty minutes I've had in a long time!  I rolled out of that bed, completely energized, and eager for a repeat performance.  So, Hubs paid the necessary charges, and we made arrangements to experience it again, in our own home! 

Before long, the exhaustion set in, and we headed for home, and hot pot of fresh coffee.  But come Monday, our new mattress set will be delivered!  Finally, after six years of sleeping on a true medieval torture device, we will rest in peace and comfort, and get some healthy, regenerative sleep.

What did you think I was talking about?!  Geeez!


  1. Hee hee! I hope your first time tonight is everything you hoped for! ;-)


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