This Is Desperation

I have come to realize that I have never quite understood the meaning of the word "desperate", until today. Google defines the term as "hopeless, grave, critical, or dire", and there have certainly been times in my life that I have considered myself to be desperate, but those fleeting moments cannot even be compared to what I am going through right now.

Of course, things could always be worse, and I still have blessings that can be counted. I am still somewhat healthy. My husband and my four children are alive, and also mostly healthy, as are my grandchildren. I thank the Holy Spirit for those miracles. My family is not currently homeless, nor starving... yet more blessings. But I fear that those days are just over the horizon.

We have always struggled in some form or another, as many people do. We have always been in the class of Americans that live from paycheck to paycheck. During times of crisis we have been lucky enough to have family members that were willing and able to assist, in the form of personal loans (some of which still carry a balance that I have been unable to repay).

During this last year, we have suffered a series of hardships (emotional, physical, and financial) that have stripped us of a paycheck and now have us living day to day. If you've been a follower of my blogs, you may be aware of a few of our circumstances. It boils down to this:

I have lived with certain psychiatric disorders for much of my life. Although I am a highly functional sort of "crazy", I am unable to hold a steady job due to severe anxiety disorders and recurring bouts of depression and agoraphobia. I was blessed with a loving, hard working husband who has never had an issue with supporting me and our children, even if it meant struggling, and missing out on some of the luxuries of life that we've have been content to simply fantasize about. He has worked in the construction and apartment maintenance industry for more than 20 years and is highly educated, qualified, and certified in every facet of his field.

Over the course of the last several months, his health has deteriorated. He has just recently, finally, received a diagnosis of a herniated disk in his back, fifteen years after the car accident that injured him. Also, within these last few months, he has been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. The stress of his career position accompanied by the stress of certain aspects of our family life (to be discussed later) have caused him painful and debilitating symptoms that have caused him to be hospitalized, and prevented him from working. His employer was less than sympathetic and released him. Of course, first they put him on a month of medical leave (with no guarantee of holding his job, or retaining his medical insurance). In fact, all the leave managed to do was prevent him from filing for unemployment insurance for an entire month. Then, they politely dismissed him. We now have no medical insurance and neither one of us can continue treatment for our conditions. We are currently waiting for approval for medicaid coverage.

Hubsy has filed an application for SS Disability benefits, but we all know that goes. It often takes years, and a lawyer's help to be approved. After three months, he is still waiting for unemployment benefits. I have tried over and over to sell various household items, but to no avail. I took further steps to monetize my blogs, which lately have doubled in readership, but my affiliations have only earned $11 over the course of three months. In an effort to raise some money, Hubsy has very recently become an Uber driver, which is not panning out very well. His overall profit for one week of driving has boiled down to approximately $12. He is now looking for work once again, although he has not been completely cleared by our doctor to do so, and is still suffering frequent flare-ups of his Crohn's symptoms due to the stress of our situation. It's become a vicious circle.

A few of my closest family members have loaned and donated enough funds to prevent us from facing eviction, having our car repossessed, and going hungry (until our food stamp application was approved), but are unable to offer further help at the moment. We have received energy assistance from social services, however, we are now three months behind, and due to a faulty heating system that tripled last month's bill, we now owe nearly $1000.

I feel like I could go and on and on about our circumstances, but I also feel like this "pity party" of a blog post has gone on long enough. Those who truly know us, know that we feel quite ashamed at having to resort to these measures... but I am asking... begging... for help from other family, friends, and the community at large. I have set up a donation page at Please follow the link below.

(Link no longer available, as I have closed the donation account)

 To my readers and followers... if you have enjoyed any of my blogs... if you have enjoyed any of the genealogical research that I've offered... if you can find it in your heart... please consider making a donation to our family fund. ANY amount whatsoever would be so greatly appreciated. If you are unable, or are skeptical of any part of this... I understand, and all I can ask is that you pray for us.

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